What if it’s just fear?

And if it was just the fear of doing and thinking, why don’t you know if you will really be able to heal? During a particular illness like I have, there have been dramatic moments where you feel bad and every little movement is torture and the pain is unbearable and you are addicted to painkillers. Then there were times when I felt better and managed to have an almost normal life, with bearable pain that allowed me to do things.

But I wasn’t healed. For nothing. The disease was there, silently dormant, hidden and ready to explode again.

Now that this treatment seems to be working, my fear emerges. Yes, right. I’m just afraid it’s a bad dream, that they may tell me that I’m not healed, that we have to change and fear of being sick again.

When I was sick I gave up making plans, I left thoughts on things to do in the future, no new plans.

But I got this book as a gift, for “new fantastic adventures”. and I cried, a lot.

And then my doubts and fears have come back … when will I be ready for new adventures?

I hope as soon as possible. The only thing I have to say will remain for me will be not to make plans, or to reduce them to the bare minimum. Think small things at a time, without having an eye on the long term … but based on today and tomorrow.

Illness helps you to understand that you cannot plan, because life overturns everything in a short time without sometimes you being able to do anything about it.

But neither can I allow fear to rule my life, to let it guide what I do. Maybe I just need to find some courage, daring again shouldn’t hurt …

In short, just don’t be governed by fear and let it take over.

After all, I have always believed and still believe I can have new adventures … you know how many! And as I have already said, it is enough to have a smile, that everything then comes.