Neither of Venus nor of Mars

Neither of Venus nor of Mars, they do not get married and they do not leave, nor do the start art (italian said).

In reality this is not a real beginning but let’s say more a restart. I started this blog in October 2020, when following an operation on the mastoid (the bone behind the left ear that was out of order) I became completely deaf in two days, also losing my right ear. I found myself inside a soap bubble, without knowing what to do or why it happened and I tried to react by writing.

I thought I got sick in 2019, treated incorrectly and that hearing loss was the end of an illness.

It was not so. Unfortunately. It is true I got sick in 2019, I was badly treated for a wrong diagnosis, but I was also fine for two months. Unfortunately, after the intervention in October, things have not improved, quite the contrary.

I had an operation to insert the cochlear implant on the right (surgery which was then postponed for two weeks because I had cold sores and could cause complications). The excruciating pain in my head, the feeling of heaviness, the blocked neck led me to hospitalization from December 22nd to January 28th. I underwent a meningeal biopsy. Discharged without a real diagnosis with continuous pain and the hope of being able to get better, but nothing.

Always nausea, vomiting, headache and no reliable results from the tests. In May I got worse again and what was supposed to be a three-day hospitalization for a check-up became a fifteen-day hospitalization complete with an additional meningeal biopsy.

Obviously I omit all the tests that have been made to me, CT scans, resonances, rachicentesis, samples.

I now have a rare disease, autoimmune in nature, and the therapy now works and should be replaced with a new one at the end of the month.

I was silent, I took the time to think about what to do, what could happen, to feel good but always suspicious with the fear of returning to feel bad. The superstition, the desire to return to normality, to resume doing things and above all to be able to do them, because I have regained my strength.

When you are sick and you feel bad everything is bad and sad, and even if you try and try to find something good, in the end it is not. It is not automatic, it is not logical, you ask yourself questions that cannot be answered and then I am closed. I went back to that bubble to think, without wanting to do anything, without the desire to write on the blog, but just to sit still and watch. I wanted to be a spectator of my silent film. Yes, because the disease affected my hearing, that is, the implant, making me go back months on the rehabilitation process.

But can you remain closed in the bubble forever? Is there a really safe place where nothing happens to you?During this break I thought about this too, about the quiet place. I am looking for mine, but I know that at some point the reflective pause must end. Just take action to avoid being immobile and overwhelmed. I decided to overwhelm just, also because bad luck overwhelmed me enough.

In short, I do not remember in which cartoon (it seems to me The Ice Age) but the joke “MUCH MUCH” was well received.

So today, an odd Friday as I like it, who are superstitious on the contrary, I take up the blog again, writing the things that happen to me, as a sick person and as a person who is sick but wants to get well and not be sick. Now I don’t feel sick, but willing to make my choices, taking my life back in hand.

I have changed in one thing, or at least I have realized this. The projects, the plans I had …. here … my attitude is not to have no plans or projects and not even to live for the day, but to look at things in a different perspective.

Don’t waste time with projects and plans but do things directly. An unnecessary step is avoided. And if that thing fails, you will find another way.

Happy Friday and happy directly.