Barefoot in the Japanese park

I did not remember this photo, my husband sent it to me this morning, along with others he had edited.

It was taken in the park of the Imperial Palace in Tokyo, in August 2017. If I think back to that vacation and how angry I really got for some shit, how I gave importance to bullshit, not considering the main things … what a fool! And now I’m here, in my little soap bubble, thinking back to those moments, those feelings.

As soon as I saw it I remembered that immediately, in front of that lawn that opened before my eyes, I took off my shoes, taken by the desire to walk on that green mantle. In fact it wasn’t a lawn (who knows what grass they use there) but a soft, damp carpet that smelled of wet earth and reminded me of the smell of the woods after a storm. It was a Sunday morning… I was fine, I wasn’t swollen with cortisone or immunosuppressants (I was wearing my favorite jeans which now don’t even fit in my leg). I had certainly argued with my husband about something …

in short, everything is normal.

Then I thought but can I really go back to normal? Can I be the same as before?

I don’t think so. At first because I will have, I hope soon, a cochlear implant and therefore something “implanted” in the head (in reality it is a chip that puts the CIA to spy on me and to be kidnapped by aliens). Second because I believe that I will no longer be able to be as before, in the sense that this thing that happened to me changed me, for better or for worse. Facing such a thing has changed my way of relating to myself and to others, my giving importance to things, my private and working life. The important point here is to understand how to make the most of the new situations that are emerging, and I still don’t understand how the situation will evolve, also because at the moment everything is imprecise and uncertain.

The only important thing to emphasize is that along with that photo, there are others. In one of these I am sitting intent on having my poor husband do a photo shoot, with the air of that one who is relaxed and blissful … lying on this green carpet, which, as I said before, was damp.

End of the photo session, jeans and wet ass, and naturally I continued walking through the streets of Tokyo… sooner or later it will dry up. Sordamaldestra even before.