Being sick make us alone

Being sick makes us alone. It is a particular loneliness, or rather, it is an understanding of the term “loneliness” particular, or at least it is my key to reading.

We are alone because if you have not been sick, hospitalized for months, done therapies (where the side effects are perhaps more numerous than the benefits), examinations and operations. Having taken all kinds of medicines that your veins have been months without being able to anymore, given the gaze of the doctors who do not believe you, suffered chronic pain, lost so much hope (in my case also lost hearing) and I could go on for much more time but I stop … in short, if you have not passed at least some of these things you will not be able to understand a sick person.

This I mean by loneliness.

Not even the people closest to us can understand, but they have seen us suffer and have been hurt and in anguish for us. Now imagine what a stranger who says “oh yes, I can imagine” can know about it … well, when one says so, always be wary, because he knows nothing at all.

This loneliness has been keeping me company for a while now, .. and I pull out the catchphrase “but you don’t know what it means”, when I quarrel with her husband, for example. (in this case I also detach the cochlear implant, just to avoid hearing … so then after two minutes I put it back).

I can’t say if it will ever pass me … actually sometimes I think about how I was before I got sick, what kind of person I was. I have to say (and I don’t want to be arrogant) but I was a cool girl, in short, I was funny, I laughed, I didn’t give a damn about many things, I did everything by myself, independence at the most. I had always counted on myself.

When I went deaf, I locked myself in my bubble. I had no other option. I did it for protection, to try to make sense of what was happening to me and above all to overcome and move forward. But this bubble then I furnished it well, in short, it is now very comfortable.

It’s bad to have to go out … confront the outside world. Taking no in the face that now have a different feeling, have a different impact than before, Or rather, my reaction is very different.

But being sick gave me a better instinct, or maybe the instinct was there before but I didn’t listen to it. While now instinct is one of the few things to rely on.

hTis loneliness is there, and maybe it will stay for a while longer … but it doesn’t bother me too much.