What it means to be deaf in a world made of sounds

Here I am, after a holiday break … always deaf, always deaf-maldestra. The check at the end of August on the autoimmune disease, my bitch always attacked, went well … that is, there is no longer the strong and impossible pain in the meninges, but that discomfort and pain at level one behind the ear remains . Which is why my doctors added a tablet to see if my antibodies stabilize a little bit.

They are too anxious.

After this brief mention we come to the main question, the subject of the title and also of the photo on instagram, which moved me some doubts.

What does it mean to be deaf in a world made of sounds? or rather, how can one make a person who feels understand what it is not to feel anything anymore? the emptiness, the silence. zero. nothing.

The blog was born as an outlet for me (almost two years have passed) a way to write when I was in the hospital, to pass the time, to tell.

From there then I added the instagram profile. I always try to make the two coincide, and maybe to make a post and then continue to explain it here, on these pages, where I have more space and way to put my ideas down.

And here is my question. I tell my adventures, indeed more than adventures it is about everyday life. Because I am deaf, but I do things the same, badly at times, sometimes better (for example the quarrels with the husband have reached a new level because I take off the implant and I do not hear what he says). But can you have the perception of what it is like not to feel?

In my opinion I’m not clear when I speak … and then words are not explained. Let’s say that during the holidays I thought a lot about how to be more direct and maybe make people understand … but then I also thought “but people, who cares about what it feels like not to hear ???” … not it’s a cool thing to try, like “what it’s like to go to the Chanel show ..” in short, we understood each other.

I would like to be more incisive and direct maybe with instagram, trying to make stories and videos … First of all, I’m not very technological. Secondly, I’m very shy and I’m ashamed to let myself be seen (you also want that swelling given by cortisone which doesn’t help much). well … here in mental saws we are full … how to say.

I reason, I reason, but I don’t arrive at a solution.

for now I continue to post on instagram and my pieces here on the blog. maybe I make videos without framing? Then I realized that there were a few more photos on instagram compared to the blog, so it’s not that I’m deaf, I’m just dumbfounded.

My phone (which seems to me smarter than myself, see above), has re-proposed the photo I put there, as a photo from two years ago. A photo of me as a child, and I put it on social media. I remember when I found the photo in an old book at my parents’ house. It was one of the last photos I took when I was not deaf … when after a phase in remission my autoimmune disease was making itself felt again … in mid-September small pains … and then after a month the silence.

But the world is made of sounds …. and I have a secret plan.