The freedom to choose

There is nothing more important than the freedom to choose. It can be called free will, power of choice, freedom to do what we want and like. The fact remains that it is a great achievement.

Essential.

When this freedom is lacking, you understand that you are screwed. And this time I’m not asking as a friend, but I’m talking about myself.

I’ll explain. It has been this rare, unknown, autoimmune disease that has run my life for the past couple of years. I did not have a great power of choice, because I could not do things without strength and the pain was always present.

I couldn’t choose whether to hear or not, because one day she decided to take away her hearing on the left and after a year also the one on the right.

I didn’t have the freedom to choose and say “no come on, let’s try to be deaf, let’s see how things go” … it just happened and I had to suffer the consequences.

So bilateral deafness, operation with cochlear implant, rehabilitation still in progress. I suffered the disease he chose for me.

Then now you think about why it happened, now that I have a diagnosis and a cure you think about hearing that will not be mine as before and the choice takes them back. If I had the opportunity and the freedom to choose, would I have kept the disease without treatment or hearing?

To this question I don’t even know which answer is the best, but I would say that I would have gladly kept my hearing and endured the pain … then my mind thinks about that pain and then maybe I don’t know if I would have endured it again.

There is no real answer, also because it varies according to my mood, if I’m sad and how I feel. Being sad and tired certainly doesn’t help. You need a spirit of adaptation and lots of humor.

I got sick … I went deaf, but now I am aware of what I can do, how where and why. In short, it is I who decide.

Not the disease or anyone else.